This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
