I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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