you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
