Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
