I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
