He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
