she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will be naked everywhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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