I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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