This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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