He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
