So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
