just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
