Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize