i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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