Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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