k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
