so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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