he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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