The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
