A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
