How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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