I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
