Im at strip club and am horny
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
