This is not my ceiling
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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