Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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