I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
