Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
