I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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