By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
