I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
