Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
