doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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