ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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