she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
