Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
