Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
