I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...so i touched it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
