Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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