We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
