i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
