Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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