Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
