I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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