I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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