I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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