I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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