tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
