is your mom at the bar?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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