Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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