Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My dick has a subreddit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
