Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Houston, we have a blender
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
why is half of my head shaved?
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