You just made me feel so damn special
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
