You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
