Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
