that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
