I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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