i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
