At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
