I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
