he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
