I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
