Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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