whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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