The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
