I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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