so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
