So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
