i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
